"Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be."
- Charles Bukowski
Pull from your strengths and gifts. From your zone of competence and genius. Not based on illusive outcomes of others.
The number one killer of confidence that I have witnessed in over 13 years of clinical practice, is clients falling into a compare and despair syndrome. Now this is not going to be how social media has completely shifted what we perceive as real and contributes to the many distortions that we humans already craft in our minds (which are fun house mirrors to begin with) but it adds this extra layer often impenetrable to get through.
The compare and despair syndrome is an equal opportunity destroyer. This has nothing to do with intellect / profession, race / gender / socioeconomic status. This is a phenomenon that majority of modern 21st century humans experience, including myself (something you have to deal in real quick often reminding myself that I am on my own path experience in my own time).
The evolutionary reason behind these experiences is to belong. All humans want to feel they belong and if there is any “deviation “ from the “norm” (tribe) whatever that may look like they may be susceptible to judgment and even worse, kicked out from the protection of their tribe or being eaten by a bear.
Though it is not the case now, our minds very much still fear this perceived threat and create fear around showing up authentically or as they fear that who they really are won’t be accepted or liked. So the inferiority perpetuated by the ever perfect highlight reels of people 's on social media isn’t the biggest culprit of comparison and inadequacy perhaps persistent familiar conflicts between siblings or neighbors had been your experience. Or perhaps even the approval seeking behavior of craving your parents attention and affection. Either way, feeling good enough comes from needing an external factor to temporarily fill a void. High and unrealistic expectations of self.
Not being enough or good enough also to the fact that in some way we are not whole just as we are. That something constantly needs to be fixed, adorned. If we were a man on an island this concept would probably not be in our awareness of it. It is only in contrast or in context to our human lived experience.
Navigating the complexities of our mind.
Connection vs correction.
Connection vs proving.
There is nothing to fix.
CHALLENGE THE SCRIPT RESET or REFRAME the criteria of what it means to be enough.
- Comparison is a losing proposition.
- You don't have to live up to others' expectations of you. Not your burden to carry.
- Focus on progress and process,not outcome.
- External achievement does not equate worth.
- Our thoughts create our feelings therefore they are not facts.
- The beauty of life is in the most ordinary moments.
- You are not broken, therefore there is nothing to fix.